I guess it all started today as I walked on the beach minding my own business as usual, thinking, planning, praying, my mind drifts to things such as work, money, bills, boys, and oh so much more. After all, how can a girl think about herself if she is bogged down with all the above? Anyway, my walk was interrupted, pleasantly by a surfer, with a genuine smile. That was the criteria that allowed me to return his hello. Joe lived in that area and on the beach for the last 30 years, divorced, retired, surfing everyday, happy as a clam. Here I am pinching myself for living on the beach for only 2 weeks after finally leaving the desert, Not that I WASN’T happy in Arizona, it brought many happy successful and life forming memories to my life, but sometimes you just know deep down in your gut, that its time to move on !
Anyway, so there I stood after meeting Joe, there on the beach, wonderful warm waves crashing on my feet, confiding in him that I have only been in the water one time since I have been there and only up to my hips.. of course that was due to my newly pierced belly button which happened out of more coercion than pure self desire. Which is another story for later! After I met Joe I thought about where I was.. all by myself .. on the beach.. my dream had come true.. I am back on the beach! Now what? Here I am again.. my continued life adventure seems never ending.. the locations do change quite a bit, but here I am, once again, except its in a place they call California.
I had outgrown Arizona living there for 19 years. I am sure my clients became tired of me talking of the beach and moving! This was the longest I have ever lived in one place and it was getting to me. I was done raising my son, well.. that happened 10 yrs ago or so..hmm.. so then, I was raising men? It took me awhile to finally snap out of that.. thanks mainly to my wonderful freinship with Tanya, who helped me see the beauty that she saw . And although, I am not so sure I am completely done, i realize that I was always taking care of someone else, it helped me to avoid my own self care. My fears and longing for approval and acceptance have far started to outweigh my own talents abilities to become my authentic self. How did I let that happen?
I believe it all started when I was 10 yrs old. When my dad and mom moved their 8 kids, away from L.A. and the beach to Oregon and good clean living..in 1970…… my earliest memories.
July 27, 2010 at 6:28 pm |
Great insight into your life…I grew up with your sister Laurie in Hawthorne
August 14, 2010 at 7:48 pm |
hi kathleen – love your blog, especially your observations on life in italy. These could also apply, almost identically, to life in spain. Both the italians and spaniards know how to enjoy life on a daily basis, not just on vacations as we americans are apt to do. – Ciao Bella – doug